The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
