my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I smell like Dick and happiness
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