If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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