Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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