spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
