ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
