Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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