Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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