Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
