3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
