I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
