Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
