I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
