This dress was meant to end up on your floor
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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