i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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