we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
