You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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