You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
