It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
