Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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