I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
