I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Randomize
