ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
