I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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