Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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