But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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