True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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