Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
