i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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