New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
