Your dad touched me again.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
