Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
