i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
