Do you still have your period?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
