sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
