Life is so much better after having sex.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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