Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
