sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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