Plan B is the new Plan A
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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