ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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