she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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