If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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