Someone shit on the floor
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I need to align my fucking chakras
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