I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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