In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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