her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
