My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Your shirt... Was in my pants
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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