Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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