I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
