Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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