Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
