I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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