When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Randomize
